Here's a random chapter rough draft from my upcoming book on identity, Layer 2: Deep Expectations.

I bought an ice cream sandwich from a vending machine during a break between classes on campus. After sitting down at a nearby table, I pulled a book from my backpack and opened it to finish up some homework before my next class.

“Mind if I sit?” a girl asked. The room was crowded, but I was the only one occupying this table.

“Help yourself,” I said, glancing up from my book.

That was my first look at Julie. She was beautiful, blonde, and had bright green eyes that danced with friendliness and life.

We chatted for a bit and somehow I mustered up the courage to ask for her number, then called her a few days later and took her on a motorcycle ride and a picnic up the canyon.

We stopped at a secluded picnic area near the river and sat down on a blanket in the shade. As we began getting acquainted, everything about her made her seem more and more like the perfect girl. She was intelligent, fun, charming, confident, thoughtful, and easily in the top 1% of beautiful girls I had ever seen, whether in the movies or real life.

But just as I began getting ideas about pursuing her romantically and seeing if it turned into something permanent, she began to hum a pleasant little tune under her breath, and birds in the nearby trees began to sing along. A pair of butterflies flitted by, hovering briefly over her head like a halo, suspended in a stray shaft of afternoon sunlight. I felt quite certain that a young deer raised its head to listen, hidden somewhere in the nearby undergrowth.

“Oh, great,” I thought dejectedly. “I should have known.”

Julie was a Disney princess. If only I had been a handsome prince, I might have stood a chance. Then we could have lived happily ever after.

But no, I had learned all too well many years ago that I was the ugly duckling, and I had no place with such a perfect princess.

In hindsight, I ought to have recalled the end of the ugly duckling story. The part where it turns into a beautiful swan. Maybe I was a handsome prince after all, but whether I was or not, in the end, made no difference. Instead of reality, my deep-down, unconscious beliefs and expectations dictated my behavior and destiny, and despite staying friends for a while longer, I never even held Julie’s hand.

Discussion Quotes & Questions

1. What do you believe about yourself? What do you feel perfectly capable of accomplishing and what could simply never work out? What do you deserve to enjoy, and what is “out of your league”?
2. How have such beliefs steered you through the billion opportunities that stand there waiting for you to recognize them every single day and hour of your life? Do they encourage you to dream big and go for it, or to know your place and play it safe by staying small?
3. When was the last time you wanted something but didn’t try to get it?
4. List at least three things you’ve wanted for a long time but have not pursued.
5. Pretend you’re finally going to “go for” those things and get them! What feelings does such a decision stir inside you? Do you feel excited or uncomfortable and afraid?
   
   “You act based on what you expect, not what you want.” – Jennice Vilhauer
   
6. Why haven't you pursued those things?
7. Does it have to do with expectations? Do you think it would be too difficult or that you would fail in the end?
8. Do you believe that such deep-down expectations can change?
9. If so, how?

...